*This post is not meant to demean or humiliate anyone, This post is written to show how sometimes you have to be blunt and up front with your past. Sometimes you have to tell it “No go away!” Sometimes you have to be downright rude.*
My past has many forms. But the most tempting form comes in that of a woman. My Past takes this curvy shape because it knows this is the easiest way to lure me back from what I have escaped. Every now and then my past comes knocking and says, “Let me in Baron. All I wanna do is watch a movie.” But lets be honest, My Past and I both know what ‘watch a movie’ means. The minute the lights go off and the movie begins to play, temptation once again sweeps me way. Clothes begin to fly, and My Past and I are doing everything but watching the movie like we planned. Once again I’ve failed. Once again I am back to the old me. Why did I let My Past through my front door again? I should have known better. I should have learned from last time. Next time I’ll do better. Maybe next time I’ll simply be mean to her, and tell her to go away. When will My past come knocking?
Sometimes your past comes back to haunt you. In my case today she texted me. I’ve grown a lot over the past 5 years and when I look back I thank God for all the traps that he saved me from, when in all reality I would have walked face first into them. I don’t regret many things about my past but one thing that I do regret is how I treated women. Today I got a text from a number that I didn’t have saved in my phone. Its weird when I gets texts from numbers that I don’t have saved because it almost always means that someone gave out my number (this makes me angry) , so whenever this happens I tend to be kind of a jerk especially if they don’t immediately let me know who it is.
Today an old college flame from my past got my number from someone and tried to reconnect. Keep in mind I responded to half of these texts thinking that a friend was messing with me or something. She never told me her name and I still don’t know who she is. The thing is, I’m a much different person than I was 5 years ago. I guess its only fitting that this happened right as a new year is on the horizon. The text conversation below is real, and is from a girl I hooked up with my freshman year in college. But this post isn’t about this particular girl. The post is about what this girl represented and presented to me. This post is about My Past demons of my own creation and how I deal with them and why. I’m not sure who she is (yes I know thats awful, but thats how I was). The thing I want to emphasize is that sometimes your past creeps up on you and unexpectedly knocks whispering through the crack in the door,
“let me in….you know you wanna…I know the real you.”
“Wanna watch a movie?”
Sometimes you cant be nice to your past and invite it through the front door. You either open the door and let it in, or lock the deadbolt. I think the main thing I want to convey with this post is that being nice isn’t always ok, you’ll see that in the text messages below. I want to be a good husband and father in the future, and women are a huge temptation for me just like they are for other men. I haven’t always been a good guy, but I want to be a good guy now. I feel the reason many people go back to their past is because they refuse to be mean to it, they refuse to simply tell it, “No I’ve changed, I’m not the same, and I’m not going back! Go Away”
I dont want to ‘watch a movie’ with you.
Today when my past came knocking I slammed my front door in her face, before I could smell her perfume. I told her to go away. I was flat out mean, simply because I kew her intentions. Some people will see what I did as mean or rude, but they dont know the temptation and beauty that My Past holds. They dont know how enticing her perfume is, and the curves of her body. They dont know how hard it is to just ‘watch a movie’ with her.
So I dont let her in. I even call her names if I have to. I just want her to stay away.
I’ve changed a ton since my freshman year in college, and refuse to go back to the Baron I use to be. This conversation was a healthy reminder of how I was, and how much I’ve changed. I guess with each new year you have to change, evolve, grow and mature. Theres no turning back. I guess my goal for this new year is simply to not give anyone a reason to send me a text assuming that I’m still a crappy person like I used to be. To other girls I’ve screwed over. Look…I am really really sorry, but understand I’m not the crappy person you knew, and this coming year I’ll be less crappy than I am now. Don’t come knocking because I wont let you in.
I really don’t want to ‘watch a movie’ with you.
It’s funny how when you tell you past that you’ve changed she grows angry. This is because you have seen her for what she is. You have spotted her intentions and removed her camouflage. I’m still not sure who this girl is, but whoever you are I’d like to apologize for hurting you back when I was young and dumb. I’d be pissed if I were you also. With that being said, I don’t know who you are and lets keep it that way. I’m not the same person I was, and am not taking steps back Go away. To other women that maybe sympathize with this girl. I sympathize with her as well. Its because of me that she is acting like this. But, just because I sympathize with her doesn’t mean I have to let my guard down, or let her in my front door. To the women that maybe are like this very girl here. Have respect for yourself, you deserve better than a guy like I was. Let your past be your past, don’t take steps back. To the men that entertain girls like this. Stop it. Say no. Be a jerk if you have to. Be better than the guy I was. Move forward and never go back.
We all know how hard it is to just ‘watch a movie.’
Happy New Years,